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steviebbboi · 1 month ago

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you know -- as i was writing it, i really tried to like write a response from steve that was maybe more docile? not sure if thats the vibe opposite to his persistence but everytime that i did, it didn't seem authentic to his character! cause even i was like okay how could i make him seem more actively listening to chip and making sure he gets it -- but i guess, that really is in his nature to write his wrongs. he does it in a way where he definitely can take some pointers on respecting boundaries lmfaooo but i dont think this steve is that kinda guy. for him, he knows how much he fucked up that he cant stop because hes so determined to be in her life again!

im afraid that really is him at his best lol if we see them again, im sure he'll bring this audacity with him in his attempts to win her trust again!

thank you for reading this installment <333333 i really appreciate your thoughts too - it makes me ponder wonderfully <333

Once Upon A Friendship: Bittersweet Symphony

Pairings: Childhood Bestie!Steve Rogers x F!Reader

Word Count: 3.2k~

Rating: Teens and up!

Disclaimer: Surprise, shawtyyyy~ submitting this sad lil number to @the-slumberparty 🍂Winds of Autumn Challenge🍂 // Chai latte ☕ caught in the cold rain // Melancholy ☁️ as the trees shed and the flowers wilt, we feel a sense of loss. Write a tragic tale. *this is a prequel to my fic Once Upon A Friendship. You may need to read it to get the full gist, but it could probs be read on it's own-ish. *I wanted to submit a 3-part to this where it's a sad prequel, hope prequel, and then a post-OUAF fic for Chip and Steve. But not entirely sure, feel free to lmk if anyone would even wanna read that for these two <3 *i was inspired by Bittersweet Symphony by the Verve if you wanted to listen while reading!

Summary: Visiting home for the holidays has left you feeling sad and alone. Is it really the end of your friendship with Steve?

***I don't give any permission for this to be reposted anywhere! Pls do not steal work, plagiarism isn't cuteeee~~~~

Warnings: 18+ for the explicit language. This is a sad one y'all get ready for the angst, explicit language/curse words. ends with some kind of hope. this is not beta'd so please be kind!

*Any comments/reblogs are much appreciated and are so encouraging - more than you know. Pls don't hesitate to interact with me <3

“Shit!” Ducking underneath the small alcove, you exhaled a sigh of frustration as you tried to wrang your damp hair, trying to rid it of the sudden extra moisture thanks to the abundant waterfall that was the rain.

It was a rainy Autumn season this year, it was out of character considering that the weather around your hometown was usually well-adjusted. You were just out to go to the grocery store to see if you could scramble a last minute grab for some cranberry sauce. With Thanksgiving being so close, you knew that the shelves would likely be empty but your stomach outwon logic once again.

When you saw the gloomy clouds and the wind-blown fall leaves scattered all over the neatly trimmed lawns of other people’s houses, you should’ve known that you fucked up by not bringing an umbrella, much more, by not wearing appropriate clothing.

Leaving the house, you figured it would be a quick trip, in-and-out. Have hope and then feel disappointment (or if you were lucky, leave the store just skipping down the sidewalk with the dreams of eating the can full of gelatinous tart of cranberry goodness that would be clutched in your hand). Naively, you left the house wearing a pair of thin leggings and a crochet sweater.

Now, as you sat along the rainy road, seeking shelter underneath the small bus stop corner, you cursed your craving stomach and realized that you needed to listen to your intuition a lot more than you have been. The thick sweater left you feeling even muggier than you were before with you getting drenched in the rain and your thin leggings left you shivering with nothing to protect you from the gusty autumn breeze.

Trying desperately not to cry at how frustrated you felt, you sat there trying to replay the last few days. You were currently on mid-semester break, back home to celebrate the Thanksgiving weekend. Since you booked your flight tickets back home, you were dreading coming back as you knew that this would be the first time since graduation that you would see your family. Not only your parents, but Natasha and Bucky.

Steve.

Natasha, being the friend that she is, tried to comfort you the best she could over the phone before you went on your flight. Apparently, Steve may not even be there for a long period of time since his semester was scheduled differently from all of yours. Word from Bucky was that they also may be visiting his mom’s side of the family’s Thanksgiving celebration.

You did your best to coordinate dates and times so that you wouldn’t see him but one scolding from Nat bucked you up.

“It was your decision to leave the way that you did. People are going to be naturally curious and so will Steve. It’s time to pull up your big girl pants, and come home.”

You knew that she was right, however cruel her words sounded– you knew that she was speaking from a place of reality. It was your decision to leave suddenly, even though you knew that the escape wouldn’t last forever. Your families were all so close, it was inevitable to see him again.

You just didn’t think that you would be feeling this much pain at this point.

Grief is a funny thing - you’re still mourning this person who is alive, but in your eyes, Steve was basically gone. Seeing him there in that dimly lit bedroom, the thumping sounds of the music downstairs just reverberating in your ears, seeing Sharon’s lips on his as she laid on top of Steve.

Tears brimmed to your eyes just at the image of it burning in your mind’s eye. The shock, anger, and hurt flooded through you as if you were still there. You didn’t regret what you said at the party.

“I wish that I had never met you.”

The words escaped you in such an impulsive fury. You never imagined that you would be the kind of person to ever feel that much hate. Towards anyone, but especially towards Steve, your best friend. The person that would never fail to make you laugh and would always help you feel less alone.

A wave of genuine sorrow washed over you because you weren’t spending the holidays laughing with your friends. You weren’t smiling. You were wet, cold and sad.

And you were certainly, and most definitely, alone.

You could feel yourself distance from what was happening around you slowly as you opted to wait out the rain. It was too much effort to call one of your parents, or Nat, even Buck – to come up and pick you up. Then, you’d just have to explain all the reasons as to why you’re wet and sad and you didn’t really feel like receiving that look of pity again.

You sighed again as the sounds of car’s splashing against the wet roads came back to you. After some pondering, you ultimately decided to head back home and took a look at when the next bus would be coming. Looking through the bus’ schedule on your phone, you heard footsteps rush in your direction but you assumed that it was another person just trying to outrun the rain. It was only when you felt someone sit next to you on the bench did you turn to the person.

Steve.

He was panting hard, his breath fogging in the air with exhilaration. He looked over at you as he sat down, he looked hesitant– as if he were attempting to say something. Your mind and body couldn’t move all of a sudden, you couldn’t help but just stare at him.

You haven’t seen each other since that night – seeing him in the flesh, to see him in his stature just made the pain more real.

Out of pure fight or flight instinct, your body broke the frozen barrier as you got up with lightning speed and turned to walk away. Before you could take one step, Steve’s strong grip clutched onto your wrist before you could go.

“Wait, chip, don’t–” Steve pleaded at first until you whipped around to roughly take back your wrist from his touch.

“Don’t touch me!”

The words felt like they echoed despite the loud platters of rain on pavement. You clutched your hand in reverence of his warm touch on your cold skin. Like you were clutching a burn, you held your wrist close to your heart where you felt it once again break like it did that night.

Underneath the heartbreak, you could feel your younger self just utterly despair at the look on Steve’s face. He seemed to pale even in the ghastly weathered temperatures and fog-ridden air. His eyes held a shock that you recalled was present on the same night that you told him those shelled words.

“I wish that I had never met you.”

The words echoed again now too. It touched both of your ears whilst you stood there in mild panic as you both stared at each other. It truly felt like your friendship together really had never existed.

Time passed a bit until Steve’s chapped pink lips suddenly moved, “I-I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to grab you like that.” His speech was slow, as if he was trying to be very careful of what was actually coming out of his mouth.

You only broke your stare away from his to look down at the darkened pavement, still clutching your wrist to your chest. You could feel the torrid rain from earlier brisk down into a soft mist, droplets catching in your eyelashes as you flit your gaze back to Steve.

“What are you even doing here?” You mumbled to him, eyes wandering back and forth between him and the pavement.

Steve looked embarrassed before he stood up to meet you at arm's length. Both of you withstanding the mist falling from the sky. With a frown, you noticed the shortened distance between you two and attempted to back away until Steve reached his hands out as if to placate you.

His resounding sigh let you know that he wasn’t going to come any closer as he responded, “Buck told me you were back home. I went over to see you and your mom told me that you left for the store. Figured I could try to catch you mid-route, and I did.” His words left a clear mark on what had transpired from the time since you came back home.

Steve was keeping tabs on you. Steve went to visit you. Steve came out in the rain to try and catch you.

Your eyes glazed over with a mist thicker than what was coming down. A burning sensation and tingling in your eyes overpowered you as you recognized the grief of missing him once more. More than anything, you wanted him to chase you. Follow you. But he never did, hadn’t for a long time. Until now.

Grief, that’s an old friend.

Doing your best to mask up your tears, you couldn’t catch the one that rolled down your cheek as you eagerly wiped away at your face. You tried to pretend you were wiping away the rainy mist but from the look of devastation on Steve’s face, you could tell that you didn’t do a good job of hiding your tears.

Ignoring his look, you sniffed harshly against the cold air and a stoic expression overtook your flushed face. “Okay, and? What do you want?”

He blanched further at your reduced and stoic tone but his eyes took a hopeful turn, “I was hoping that we could talk, chip. Last time that I saw you, I didn’t get the chance to explain or talk to you.”

You frowned at his words, “You’re hilarious if you thought that I’d even want to talk to you, Rogers.”

Steve took the opportunity to say, “Well, I mean, we are technically talking now…” His eyebrows raised in attempts to invite humor into the space. His expression fell when he saw your furrowed expression.

Suffice to say, you were not buying it nor did you want to engage in humor about your pain with Steve.

“Chip, I want to apologize for what happened. I never meant for you to run into Sharon and I…especially not in that way. I mean, of course, at all– I never wanted you to run into Sharon and I doing anything–” Steve stumbled upon his words as he ran into a word salad in his brain.

Your annoyance at his continued rambling cut through his random speech, “Rogers. What do you want from me?”

Steve cut himself off at your decisive tone and said, “You never, never, deserved for that to have happened. It was a complete accident. I’m so sorry.”

Fury. It was the only emotion that was coming through as you let Steve’s dead apology deliberately hang in empty air.

You couldn’t hold it back.

“You’re sorry? You’re sorry?! Steve, the way that you looked at me when I walked into that fucking room–,” Steve’s eyes widened at your speech and he flinched as he saw your crossed arms fall to your sides dangerously calm.

“It was like you didn’t want me to exist. As if my very presence annoyed you,” you continued, your breath coming in hot and fast. You didn’t even seem to notice your feet leaning and stepping closer into Steve’s space. Something else took over you. It was the former best friend of Steve Rogers that was in so much pain.

“If you really ever truly cared, instead of chasing me out here to give me this half-assed apology, you would really need to apologize for the fact that you treated your best friend like shit for a long time, way before I even found you in that stupid house! When you blatantly ignored my calls and when you brushed me off in the library. For when you would stand me up at the diner or for when you would break so many promises that you couldn’t keep! For the times that you said that you would never betray me but then you did. For the times when you promised to protect me from bullies, like Sharon– until you went and became one.”

You couldn’t catch your breath. You could feel your chest heaving and the rain wasn’t misting anymore. The air was dry and stale and lingered a sour and gray aftertaste that could only be translated into a bitter melancholy.

Your body was only one step away from Steve now. Unbeknownst to you, you threateningly crept closer to Steve as you spoke at him. For all of Steve’s bravery, he planted himself like a tree as he wreaked your havoc. Your angry words washed over him like the rain, it felt truly deserving and sad.

“You shouldn’t be apologizing for what happened in that house Steve. What you should be apologizing for is for ruining a friendship that we can never, ever, get back. You did that. You.”

Your accusing pointed finger poked harshly at his dampened chest. Your last resounding accusation of ruining the friendship made Steve harshly flinch once more. Bitterness didn’t allow you to break your gaze from his. A sweet and vicious victory started to fill your chest at the sight of Steve’s blue eyes tinting with unshed tears, the space in your heart that used to be sustained by love and adoration was replaced by pure resentment.

You stuffed down the pain as you finished off, “I don’t give a flying fuck about your apology. You were dead to me the minute that I left that house. I don’t want to be friends with you. I don’t even want to be around you. There isn’t anything here anymore so if I were you, I’d go back to Sharon and your other friends. Don’t worry! You could celebrate your untethered friendship with the loser nerd that you always just felt sorry for – you’re obviously really good at pretending.”

Sarcasm and disdain dripped from your words as you sneered at Steve’s now dulled eyes. He gave a slow shake of his head as if to try to reject your words and what he was witnessing and hearing from you.

Steve blinked away his tears harshly as he shook his head again, almost like he resolutely decided on something. “You don’t mean that, chip.”

Quickly, you corrected him with your name. Steve gave one last hurt flinch at that. “You don’t get to call me that anymore. Only my real friends get to call me that. And I did mean it. God, why do you even care anyways? You’re free! You obviously never cared about me. So I don’t care about you either. That’s it!”

You frowned and grimaced bitter tears away as you made your claims. Looking back in Steve’s eyes, there were tears still present but something was different in them. A glint that you’ve only seen a few times in your friendship growing up.

Steve determinedly shook his head again and refused to consider your cutting remarks, “That’s not true. I’ve always cared about you and I still do. You’re right – I treated you like crap and you didn’t deserve that. So you can keep insulting me and hurting me, chip. I deserve it. All those times that we protected each other, I wasn’t trying to protect me. I was always just trying to protect you. It was you who never deserved to be treated like that by anyone, most of all, by me. But I know that I failed you and betrayed you, and I am so sorry. I’m sorry.”

His tone was hopeful once more and you couldn’t believe it but– you couldn’t help but recognize the undying, caring nature that was Steve Rogers. You just said the ugliest and most horrid of things to him, beat him down, terrorized him – and he was still trying to meet you with compassion that you would allow, and he seemed to know it too.

It was your turn to experience disbelief as your vision blurred, it was like the clock turned back time as you took in his words – you didn’t see the stocky and tall build of the man in front of you now, you could only see the skinny and small Steve Rogers. Your best friend.

“I’m not free, chip. And I don’t want to be. I miss you. I don’t deserve to have a friend like you, but I’m not going to give up. I’ll do whatever I need to do to earn your forgiveness and trust back. Anything to be in each other’s lives again.” Steve seemed to regain the confidence that he needed since the beginning of this reunion as he stood at his full height, broad and statured. His face was determined and his voice was steady. The reverence in his body and words made you draw back again as you took one step back.

“Just please, don’t give up on me.” His eyes downcast again as he desperately clung onto the tense silence that held the potential for repair.

You didn’t know what to feel. Numb heaviness took over your body and it was like any words or response was trapped inside of you. You said all that you could’ve said, it felt like. You frantically tried to find the anger and bitterness again but they seemed to retreat into far enough depths where they couldn’t be found.

But with his words sinking in, his seemingly urgent request touched something inside of you. The only thing that seemed to shine was a halting jolt of reluctant hope.

Almost as if he could see it too, Steve allowed his own small hope to seep through as a small smile endeared his handsome face. Silence continued to fill the space as it became clear that you weren’t capable of responding, he took two steps back as he finally gave you the space that he knew you didn’t ask for, but now respectfully gave.

“I’ll go back home now. I’ll see you in a few days at the party.” He nodded at you, his eyes shining with glimmers of promise as he turned the walk back from where he came. The same direction that you would have to go down too eventually.

You remained frozen with bated breath as you watched Steve’s form slowly distance farther and farther as he walked away, until you couldn’t really see him anymore.

It wasn’t until later during the party, you plated your cranberry sauce and dipped a selfish spoonful into your mouth did you fully register what happened. You got what you wanted from the taste, but this overall unsatisfied feeling overcame you. Unsure of this feeling, you glanced over at the living room filled with laughter and cheer, the air smelling of mouth watering food – your wandering eyes froze again as you stumbled upon Steve. He was standing with Bucky and Natasha, laughing with them but his blue eyes seemed to have already been seeking yours.

Even from afar, you could tell that the promise in his gaze from earlier was still there.

A/N: What are our thoughts? Chip really let him have it! This is one of those interactions that they have had together before the main fic where she would try her hardest to not speak with him. But as we could see, Steve is always persistent! I think that this may satisfy some of y'all who have been feening for a more angry-at-Steve response lol I'm hoping that it can satisfy some of the anger at him. He knows he fucked up, but he isn't going to give up their friendship! And as we know, he could do this alllll day. Thanks for reading laddies~

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